Boomer Sex… how do we rekindle love making?

It's me, Dr. Irene blogging this week.
I love my sex life with my husband and partner of almost 30 years. And we still treasure and practice the horizontal tango! Yes, the one you do naked, bringing Chakras 1 and 2 together. However, for some of us, having sex in our over-sized, out-of-shape and low-vibrational earthsuit presents a challenge which requires adjustments. So don’t abandon the gift of earthly pleasures that lurks within.  Find new ways to ignite that Kundalini snake so it can move up your pelvis through your heart and out the top of your heart. POW. The French aptly call this the ‘mini-death’ and it is the pure pleasure of being human that awaits all who surrender to it!  

When boomer women learn that not only am I a minister and spiritual counselor, I am a sexpert who tests new adult toys and a collaborator on this blog, they get real close to me and whisper, “I miss my passion, which is obviously readily available for you… you are so bubbly and playful, it makes me think …what can I do to rekindle our sex life when my husband is showing little or no interest at all!”  I usually laugh heartily and announce: “You’re asking the $64,000 question! Yes, heat and passion in bed can be reignited.” 

Now is when surrendering comes in handy.  The aging of the human body is a wonderful process and yet age like beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.  You and I are the beholder.  Our Spirit/Soul is eternal and has no age and it resides within the Earthsuit we dwell.  To the Soul, we are vibrant and joyful wanting to express love at every moment.  Except we opt often for the ego/personality’s point of view that if we are in our 60s, 70s, 80s, then we can’t, it won’t, he doesn’t… well you fill in the blank. We can reclaim our grace and flow and surrender to the Soul’s purpose, to express love fully and abundantly through the earthsuit.  As we explore this purpose, we are tested with doubt, worry, job/career, illness, struggle, death, adult children (or grandchildren living with you), retirement… you get the picture.

Surrender to your heart and shift the “No’s to Yes, I can, I will,” and go from there. 

First, rule out any physical concerns that prevent or interfere with your man’s erections.   Aging men (all men) are bound by the fear of impotence. Any sign of prostate problems may overshadow wanting to initiate sex.   Viagra has become a mainstream remedy — I am personally anti-pharmaceuticals and prefer to use natural tinctures and herbs prescribed by a natural healer for any dis-ease in our bodies. With that said, when my husband had a warning signal –not staying hard during penetration, I insisted he handle it immediately with our practitioner. Within three months that issue was resolved and that was over a year ago.

Second, with weight gain, we must learn new moves to be graceful in bed (just like on the dance floor!).  And we may need a pillow or two for propping and comfort. And it’s worth the effort to figure that out. In an effort to surrender to lovemaking’s needs, my husband got us the Liberator, and at first I couldn’t even get my tush onto the pillow.  Yes, I could have been embarrassed but I wasn’t, I was committed to conquer the Liberator.  It’s proven it was worth the expense and I recommend it.
To see it, click here
 
Third, ask yourself, are you loving the earthsuit you dwell within.  I mean, loving your body as it is right now, that may be 25, 30, 40 years or more into the relationship.  Parts have shifted, fallen, sagged, so what.  Say out loud, “I am beautiful and I am grateful for this body.” Create it as a mantra, a prayer for inner beauty, light, to come forth. [Emanating the love I know now far surpasses anyway I was at 20 or 40 or 60 years old.]  Now, standing naked before a full-length mirror, look at yourself with the eyes of God.  Surrender to what is, and love what you see.  Touch this beautiful body, be with her, acknowledge her for the gifts she has provided all these years.  Thank her.  Be in love with her daily.  Make bathing/showering a sensual ritual. Be aware of each touch, each sensation. Take your time. If you haven’t already, discover your vagina, every part down there… start with a hand mirror and explore.  Love whatever you see. Be graceful with yourself.  It’s never too late to learn to pleasure your clitoris yourself.  This will give you confidence to tell your partner to move a little to the left or right, move up or back… learn what turns you on. Re-ignite yourself.

I recommend getting a vibrator (click to order one… Bianca’s site has a great variety, be sure your old one is made out of body-friendly materials, if not replace it here)  

I also recommend a lubricant.  Only recently has my natural lubrication returned after years of being on “off”, however, it’s not reliable and painful sex isn’t prescribed.  It should be yummy and pleasurable.  Here’s my favorite natural lube… Sliquid, click here
 
Fourth, give your man the okay to masturbate… it’s valuable and should have no shame attached, so here again is another opportunity to surrender.  When he’s free to pleasure himself, and he knows you are too, and when you both are loving your own bodies, then coming together is wonder-filled.

Now that you’ve rekindled your self-love, let’s work on couple’s loving next week. This week practice surrendering to your own loving.  Surrender to your heart space.  Surrender to your Soul’s purpose.  Love the life and body you have.  It makes us very attractive, very enrolling, very sensuous. 

Please write your comments, post your thoughts and feelings from your practicing. Have a great week, love light and gratitude, Dr. lrene