Boomer Sex… how do we rekindle love making?

It's me, Dr. Irene blogging this week.
I love my sex life with my husband and partner of almost 30 years. And we still treasure and practice the horizontal tango! Yes, the one you do naked, bringing Chakras 1 and 2 together. However, for some of us, having sex in our over-sized, out-of-shape and low-vibrational earthsuit presents a challenge which requires adjustments. So don’t abandon the gift of earthly pleasures that lurks within.  Find new ways to ignite that Kundalini snake so it can move up your pelvis through your heart and out the top of your heart. POW. The French aptly call this the ‘mini-death’ and it is the pure pleasure of being human that awaits all who surrender to it!  

When boomer women learn that not only am I a minister and spiritual counselor, I am a sexpert who tests new adult toys and a collaborator on this blog, they get real close to me and whisper, “I miss my passion, which is obviously readily available for you… you are so bubbly and playful, it makes me think …what can I do to rekindle our sex life when my husband is showing little or no interest at all!”  I usually laugh heartily and announce: “You’re asking the $64,000 question! Yes, heat and passion in bed can be reignited.” 

Now is when surrendering comes in handy.  The aging of the human body is a wonderful process and yet age like beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.  You and I are the beholder.  Our Spirit/Soul is eternal and has no age and it resides within the Earthsuit we dwell.  To the Soul, we are vibrant and joyful wanting to express love at every moment.  Except we opt often for the ego/personality’s point of view that if we are in our 60s, 70s, 80s, then we can’t, it won’t, he doesn’t… well you fill in the blank. We can reclaim our grace and flow and surrender to the Soul’s purpose, to express love fully and abundantly through the earthsuit.  As we explore this purpose, we are tested with doubt, worry, job/career, illness, struggle, death, adult children (or grandchildren living with you), retirement… you get the picture.

Surrender to your heart and shift the “No’s to Yes, I can, I will,” and go from there. 

First, rule out any physical concerns that prevent or interfere with your man’s erections.   Aging men (all men) are bound by the fear of impotence. Any sign of prostate problems may overshadow wanting to initiate sex.   Viagra has become a mainstream remedy — I am personally anti-pharmaceuticals and prefer to use natural tinctures and herbs prescribed by a natural healer for any dis-ease in our bodies. With that said, when my husband had a warning signal –not staying hard during penetration, I insisted he handle it immediately with our practitioner. Within three months that issue was resolved and that was over a year ago.

Second, with weight gain, we must learn new moves to be graceful in bed (just like on the dance floor!).  And we may need a pillow or two for propping and comfort. And it’s worth the effort to figure that out. In an effort to surrender to lovemaking’s needs, my husband got us the Liberator, and at first I couldn’t even get my tush onto the pillow.  Yes, I could have been embarrassed but I wasn’t, I was committed to conquer the Liberator.  It’s proven it was worth the expense and I recommend it.
To see it, click here
 
Third, ask yourself, are you loving the earthsuit you dwell within.  I mean, loving your body as it is right now, that may be 25, 30, 40 years or more into the relationship.  Parts have shifted, fallen, sagged, so what.  Say out loud, “I am beautiful and I am grateful for this body.” Create it as a mantra, a prayer for inner beauty, light, to come forth. [Emanating the love I know now far surpasses anyway I was at 20 or 40 or 60 years old.]  Now, standing naked before a full-length mirror, look at yourself with the eyes of God.  Surrender to what is, and love what you see.  Touch this beautiful body, be with her, acknowledge her for the gifts she has provided all these years.  Thank her.  Be in love with her daily.  Make bathing/showering a sensual ritual. Be aware of each touch, each sensation. Take your time. If you haven’t already, discover your vagina, every part down there… start with a hand mirror and explore.  Love whatever you see. Be graceful with yourself.  It’s never too late to learn to pleasure your clitoris yourself.  This will give you confidence to tell your partner to move a little to the left or right, move up or back… learn what turns you on. Re-ignite yourself.

I recommend getting a vibrator (click to order one… Bianca’s site has a great variety, be sure your old one is made out of body-friendly materials, if not replace it here)  

I also recommend a lubricant.  Only recently has my natural lubrication returned after years of being on “off”, however, it’s not reliable and painful sex isn’t prescribed.  It should be yummy and pleasurable.  Here’s my favorite natural lube… Sliquid, click here
 
Fourth, give your man the okay to masturbate… it’s valuable and should have no shame attached, so here again is another opportunity to surrender.  When he’s free to pleasure himself, and he knows you are too, and when you both are loving your own bodies, then coming together is wonder-filled.

Now that you’ve rekindled your self-love, let’s work on couple’s loving next week. This week practice surrendering to your own loving.  Surrender to your heart space.  Surrender to your Soul’s purpose.  Love the life and body you have.  It makes us very attractive, very enrolling, very sensuous. 

Please write your comments, post your thoughts and feelings from your practicing. Have a great week, love light and gratitude, Dr. lrene

Am I too old for sex?

When Bianca called this week to invite me to blog again, I offered to share about this couples’ journey. Rick and Jean Beal (not their real names) began counseling with me about three years ago. It's a great love story.
 
In our first session, Jean reported, “We love each other and used to have really hot sex together. We enjoyed fantasies and role playing.  We are adults, married, and in our forties and fifties we delved into dominant/submissive roles and rather enjoyed that over time. And sometimes it gets odd for me.”  

I stopped Jean, “Odd, how do you mean?”

“Well,” Jean looked down at her hands, twirling her wedding ring as she spoke, 
“Rick and I would plan sex for an afternoon, set it up perfectly and then Rick would say, I want to tie you up and make love to you all afternoon.  I would agree but something in me froze, like fear arose and I don’t know why. Let me add that over the years together we’ve both gained weight and are less active.  Sex can be laborious at times. And sometimes Rick doesn’t orgasm, he goes soft and doesn’t recover his erection. Yet he always makes sure I come.  I’m concerned I’m losing my lover.  I remember his dad and mom were so cute together and when I bought Mom crotchless panties for her 60 birthday, she offered them back to me saying Dad was impotent and they had stopped having sex some time ago.  I was aghast, yet here I was with my beloved not able to keep it up, and now we’re in our sixties!  
  
“Dr. Irene, am I to blame, have I shamed him for wanting to tie me up?  The urologist wants to put him on serious drugs to reduce the swelling of his prostate, but I’m against drugs and need a natural way to support his prostate health, any suggestions?”

“Jean,” I said, “there are many issues that may cause the gland to swell, both physical and emotional and yes, we’ll treat both and get you back into the sack with fun and alacrity. 

• First, I want you to call this practitioner and let her know I referred you. Have Rick with you and go over the concerns. 
• Next, I want you, Jean, to look at the word ‘submissive’ and write in a journal all that it drives up in you, everything especially bad thoughts. 
• Rick, I want you to look at the past and notice any shame or embarrassment you have with sex, women, Jean, whatever shows up around being good or bad regarding your desires with woman.   
• Just know, both of you, you’re fine and your issues are going to lead you to a new freedom from the bonds of society, culture and religion.  
•  And lastly, I want to leave you with the word, ‘surrender’ and let it mull around until our next session.”  

From Dr. Irene's journal.Until next time... play hard and play nice.

Tie me up, please???

Dr. Irene and Bianca Gordon --
 
Bianca came to me feeling like a bad girl because she liked being tied up and restrained in sex with Sean. She couldn’t rationalize it in the beginning, she just knew she liked it.  And after several of her girl friends balked at the option of being tied up by their lovers and/or husbands saying she had stepped into the dark area of love,  she realized she had no one to talk to about this.   

Upon investigation, I saw that Bianca was, like so many woman today, here in the USofA, already bound up, tied to smithereens for many reasons.  And many of you may be noticing these reasons as well -- 

emotionally doubting your ability to love another fully, too engaged with other issues to include sexual bondage to work through poor body image, low sexual urges, your lack of interest;

physically doubting your desirability because of a variety of reasons -- stretch marks or unattractive body scars, being overweight or underweight, sheer exhaustion, chronic pain,  illness;

or mentally struggling with doubt and fear related to being a daughter with aging parents perhaps, a young woman admonished for being passionate or distant and shy, a wife working a full-time job in corporate America while being a mother, or a career woman concerned about advancement.

And there may be many other reasons why you feel bound and restrained, and you do not know how to address being whole and complete within yourself. 

Here's where surrendering to your lover can give you access to the divine within yourself, your wholeness. You can learn to surrender to your inner voice when you quiet enough to listen and hear it.  You can surrender and access more joy, Peace and Fulfillment in life… in general.  

You can find many ways to surrender, and yet for Bianca, it showed up in her relationship with Sean.  

I asked Bianca, "what if you willingly, gladly said yes to your loving, consenting partner tying you up, smacking your tush or pussy, gagging your mouth shut, blindfolding you or requesting you wear thigh-high fishnet stockings or whatever?  What if it were pure and wholesome, would you be suffering about loving Sean's requests and lovemaking." She said, "I would scream it from the rooftops! "

I asked Bianca, "what if Sean's "Dom" actions triggered  your access to freedom you couldn't even imagine for yourself, and required putting your ego aside and fully TRUSTING him whom you know will not maim you or otherwise hurt you, but who aims to trigger you to access more pleasure and love … how would that alter your entire life? "  She grinned from ear to ear.

I dug deeper...  I asked Bianca to look within her inner self to discover  her purpose for having Sean as her life-partner... after all he was one man among many suitors she could have married.  She admits, "Perhaps I chose him to figure out what surrendering provides me as a woman, as a couple, as a mother, as a daughter,  family member,  community member, as business woman."

So,yes, first let us acknowledge that women today in this country are bound up!  Good news, now we can make some progress.  Being bound is part of what it is to be human and living in an earthsuit. And being bound emotionally, mentally and physically  is  one way to go through our lives. And being bound can be the access to fully getting the privilege and potential of life and for having an earthsuit to travel life's terrain.   Try that on for a while.

SO MAYBE IT'S TIME TO COME UNBOUND… whether you use sexy bondage restraints click or find another form to free yourself… surrender to your pleasure and your inner self. Trust yourself. For now, play hard, play nice… 
love light and gratitude, Dr. Irene and Bianca Gordon

Introducing Rev. Dr. Irene Goldberg to my blog...

Welcome,

When Sean first tied me up and ravished me so splendidly, I was confused by my mixed emotions.  Part of me was ecstatic and the other was guilty … like I had been a bad girl.  What it may have been, ultimately was finding my GOOD GIRL.  

I was silent about this guilty pleasure and hid any sign of it from everyone.  Sean was the only person who knew.  It took me years to unravel my fear of people knowing I was someone who loveddddd being tied up and made love to by my man. And yet, loving bondage made me feel somewhat schizo.

As good fortune would have it, in 2011, I met Dr. Irene at a friend’s home.  My friend told me Dr. Irene has her Doctorate of Divinity in Interdisciplinary Studies, Certification as Physician of the Soul, and is an Ordained All Faiths Minister.  And she counsels people in having outstanding relationships and satisfying intercourse…both carnal and verbal.  

What impressed me most about Dr. Irene at that first encounter was her being joyous. I asked her what her secret was and she said, “Being fearless is an art form.  It is a stand for being fully alive no matter what the situation; I can take a breath and be my truth. Joy is simply an outcome of that.”  
I knew she would lead me to some freedom in my guilty pleasures and took her business card.  

After our first counseling session, I asked her to be our sexpert for our website, sexybondagerestraints.com, click. That was the beginning of a wonderful journey for us both.

With Dr. Irene’s coaching, I have gone from reluctant bad girl/submissive to empowered surrender. My trust of Sean, my Dom, expands continuously in our bedroom trysts and in our business too where I am his boss.   




And I’m beginning to see what surrendering is really about… being fearless.  For some it’s jumping from a plane tethered to someone else… not me. For me and many, many others, it’s discovering how being bound is the opening to exploring emotions and feeling of trust, abandonment, fear of being hurt, being undeserving, being alone for example.  And the freedom that follows is wonderful outcome of really hot sex.



Play hard, play nice.  Love Bianca