When Bianca called this week to invite me to blog again, I offered to share about this couples’ journey. Rick and Jean Beal (not their real names) began counseling with me about three years ago. It's a great love story.
In our first session, Jean reported, “We love each other and used to have really hot sex together. We enjoyed fantasies and role playing. We are adults, married, and in our forties and fifties we delved into dominant/submissive roles and rather enjoyed that over time. And sometimes it gets odd for me.”
I stopped Jean, “Odd, how do you mean?”
“Well,” Jean looked down at her hands, twirling her wedding ring as she spoke,
“Rick and I would plan sex for an afternoon, set it up perfectly and then Rick would say, I want to tie you up and make love to you all afternoon. I would agree but something in me froze, like fear arose and I don’t know why. Let me add that over the years together we’ve both gained weight and are less active. Sex can be laborious at times. And sometimes Rick doesn’t orgasm, he goes soft and doesn’t recover his erection. Yet he always makes sure I come. I’m concerned I’m losing my lover. I remember his dad and mom were so cute together and when I bought Mom crotchless panties for her 60 birthday, she offered them back to me saying Dad was impotent and they had stopped having sex some time ago. I was aghast, yet here I was with my beloved not able to keep it up, and now we’re in our sixties!
“Dr. Irene, am I to blame, have I shamed him for wanting to tie me up? The urologist wants to put him on serious drugs to reduce the swelling of his prostate, but I’m against drugs and need a natural way to support his prostate health, any suggestions?”
“Jean,” I said, “there are many issues that may cause the gland to swell, both physical and emotional and yes, we’ll treat both and get you back into the sack with fun and alacrity.
- First, I want you to call this practitioner and let her know I referred you. Have Rick with you and go over the concerns.
- Next, I want you, Jean, to look at the word ‘submissive’ and write in a journal all that it drives up in you, everything especially bad thoughts.
- Rick, I want you to look at the past and notice any shame or embarrassment you have with sex, women, Jean, whatever shows up around being good or bad regarding your desires with woman.
- Just know, both of you, you’re fine and your issues are going to lead you to a new freedom from the bonds of society, culture and religion.
- And lastly, I want to leave you with the word, ‘surrender’ and let it mull around until our next session.”
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