Am I too old for sex?

When Bianca called this week to invite me to blog again, I offered to share about this couples’ journey. Rick and Jean Beal (not their real names) began counseling with me about three years ago. It's a great love story.
 
In our first session, Jean reported, “We love each other and used to have really hot sex together. We enjoyed fantasies and role playing.  We are adults, married, and in our forties and fifties we delved into dominant/submissive roles and rather enjoyed that over time. And sometimes it gets odd for me.”  

I stopped Jean, “Odd, how do you mean?”

“Well,” Jean looked down at her hands, twirling her wedding ring as she spoke, 
“Rick and I would plan sex for an afternoon, set it up perfectly and then Rick would say, I want to tie you up and make love to you all afternoon.  I would agree but something in me froze, like fear arose and I don’t know why. Let me add that over the years together we’ve both gained weight and are less active.  Sex can be laborious at times. And sometimes Rick doesn’t orgasm, he goes soft and doesn’t recover his erection. Yet he always makes sure I come.  I’m concerned I’m losing my lover.  I remember his dad and mom were so cute together and when I bought Mom crotchless panties for her 60 birthday, she offered them back to me saying Dad was impotent and they had stopped having sex some time ago.  I was aghast, yet here I was with my beloved not able to keep it up, and now we’re in our sixties!  
  
“Dr. Irene, am I to blame, have I shamed him for wanting to tie me up?  The urologist wants to put him on serious drugs to reduce the swelling of his prostate, but I’m against drugs and need a natural way to support his prostate health, any suggestions?”

“Jean,” I said, “there are many issues that may cause the gland to swell, both physical and emotional and yes, we’ll treat both and get you back into the sack with fun and alacrity. 

• First, I want you to call this practitioner and let her know I referred you. Have Rick with you and go over the concerns. 
• Next, I want you, Jean, to look at the word ‘submissive’ and write in a journal all that it drives up in you, everything especially bad thoughts. 
• Rick, I want you to look at the past and notice any shame or embarrassment you have with sex, women, Jean, whatever shows up around being good or bad regarding your desires with woman.   
• Just know, both of you, you’re fine and your issues are going to lead you to a new freedom from the bonds of society, culture and religion.  
•  And lastly, I want to leave you with the word, ‘surrender’ and let it mull around until our next session.”  

From Dr. Irene's journal.Until next time... play hard and play nice.

Tie me up, please???

Dr. Irene and Bianca Gordon --
 
Bianca came to me feeling like a bad girl because she liked being tied up and restrained in sex with Sean. She couldn’t rationalize it in the beginning, she just knew she liked it.  And after several of her girl friends balked at the option of being tied up by their lovers and/or husbands saying she had stepped into the dark area of love,  she realized she had no one to talk to about this.   

Upon investigation, I saw that Bianca was, like so many woman today, here in the USofA, already bound up, tied to smithereens for many reasons.  And many of you may be noticing these reasons as well -- 

emotionally doubting your ability to love another fully, too engaged with other issues to include sexual bondage to work through poor body image, low sexual urges, your lack of interest;

physically doubting your desirability because of a variety of reasons -- stretch marks or unattractive body scars, being overweight or underweight, sheer exhaustion, chronic pain,  illness;

or mentally struggling with doubt and fear related to being a daughter with aging parents perhaps, a young woman admonished for being passionate or distant and shy, a wife working a full-time job in corporate America while being a mother, or a career woman concerned about advancement.

And there may be many other reasons why you feel bound and restrained, and you do not know how to address being whole and complete within yourself. 

Here's where surrendering to your lover can give you access to the divine within yourself, your wholeness. You can learn to surrender to your inner voice when you quiet enough to listen and hear it.  You can surrender and access more joy, Peace and Fulfillment in life… in general.  

You can find many ways to surrender, and yet for Bianca, it showed up in her relationship with Sean.  

I asked Bianca, "what if you willingly, gladly said yes to your loving, consenting partner tying you up, smacking your tush or pussy, gagging your mouth shut, blindfolding you or requesting you wear thigh-high fishnet stockings or whatever?  What if it were pure and wholesome, would you be suffering about loving Sean's requests and lovemaking." She said, "I would scream it from the rooftops! "

I asked Bianca, "what if Sean's "Dom" actions triggered  your access to freedom you couldn't even imagine for yourself, and required putting your ego aside and fully TRUSTING him whom you know will not maim you or otherwise hurt you, but who aims to trigger you to access more pleasure and love … how would that alter your entire life? "  She grinned from ear to ear.

I dug deeper...  I asked Bianca to look within her inner self to discover  her purpose for having Sean as her life-partner... after all he was one man among many suitors she could have married.  She admits, "Perhaps I chose him to figure out what surrendering provides me as a woman, as a couple, as a mother, as a daughter,  family member,  community member, as business woman."

So,yes, first let us acknowledge that women today in this country are bound up!  Good news, now we can make some progress.  Being bound is part of what it is to be human and living in an earthsuit. And being bound emotionally, mentally and physically  is  one way to go through our lives. And being bound can be the access to fully getting the privilege and potential of life and for having an earthsuit to travel life's terrain.   Try that on for a while.

SO MAYBE IT'S TIME TO COME UNBOUND… whether you use sexy bondage restraints click or find another form to free yourself… surrender to your pleasure and your inner self. Trust yourself. For now, play hard, play nice… 
love light and gratitude, Dr. Irene and Bianca Gordon

Introducing Rev. Dr. Irene Goldberg to my blog...

Welcome,

When Sean first tied me up and ravished me so splendidly, I was confused by my mixed emotions.  Part of me was ecstatic and the other was guilty … like I had been a bad girl.  What it may have been, ultimately was finding my GOOD GIRL.  

I was silent about this guilty pleasure and hid any sign of it from everyone.  Sean was the only person who knew.  It took me years to unravel my fear of people knowing I was someone who loveddddd being tied up and made love to by my man. And yet, loving bondage made me feel somewhat schizo.

As good fortune would have it, in 2011, I met Dr. Irene at a friend’s home.  My friend told me Dr. Irene has her Doctorate of Divinity in Interdisciplinary Studies, Certification as Physician of the Soul, and is an Ordained All Faiths Minister.  And she counsels people in having outstanding relationships and satisfying intercourse…both carnal and verbal.  

What impressed me most about Dr. Irene at that first encounter was her being joyous. I asked her what her secret was and she said, “Being fearless is an art form.  It is a stand for being fully alive no matter what the situation; I can take a breath and be my truth. Joy is simply an outcome of that.”  
I knew she would lead me to some freedom in my guilty pleasures and took her business card.  

After our first counseling session, I asked her to be our sexpert for our website, sexybondagerestraints.com, click. That was the beginning of a wonderful journey for us both.

With Dr. Irene’s coaching, I have gone from reluctant bad girl/submissive to empowered surrender. My trust of Sean, my Dom, expands continuously in our bedroom trysts and in our business too where I am his boss.   




And I’m beginning to see what surrendering is really about… being fearless.  For some it’s jumping from a plane tethered to someone else… not me. For me and many, many others, it’s discovering how being bound is the opening to exploring emotions and feeling of trust, abandonment, fear of being hurt, being undeserving, being alone for example.  And the freedom that follows is wonderful outcome of really hot sex.



Play hard, play nice.  Love Bianca

Naughty or Nice… what do you want for Christmas, does your Mister know?

Twenty-five years ago this past June, I married Sean with family and friends surrounding us.  It was a glorious wedding and equally outstanding, yet brief honeymoon.

Sean had it all planned and packed a bag of “sex-play goodies” to take along with a dessert package the caterer boxed up for us to enjoy later.  We arrived at the Inn of the Dove in Cherry Hill and walked into a suite including a small swimming pool, a Jacuzzi hot-tub, a king-size bed and ample double shower with bench and all the spray heads you could ever desire.
  
So what was in the bag transformed the already decadent room into a sex chamber and it was all ours for 36 hours, when Sean whisked me off to the airport for meetings in San Francisco for the next 3 weeks.  He quickly transformed the bed into a bondage heaven and the fun began.  We never got dressed in more than the hotel’s plush white bathrobes the entire stay. (Putting an under-bed, 4-point system in is quick and easy, I was surprised, click.) 

To this day, our bedroom at home or away is still our haven for bondage sex, intimate talks and couple’s solitude. 

What are your desires, does your Mister know what you might enjoy or do you leave it to him.  Set up your own Wish List click .   Remember Christmas is coming and when you don’t know what you might like, take it from a sexpert, ask me, or use examples I’ve talked about here in my blog.  Also, ask me questions if you are so inclined.  If I don’t know how to answer, I’ll ask our consultant/coach, Rev. Dr. Irene Goldberg for her take. She’s been so great in having my concerns with being naughty reframed into seeing bondage as a surrendering to peace, trust and joy. Thanks Dr. Irene.

Play Hard, Play Nice, Bianca